Monday, October 25, 2010

Use Your Illusion by Jade Falconer

He felt so nervous. It seemed like a good idea at the time. He didn’t know anyone at the party except for Brent. He’d overheard him talking about it to one of his stupid jock buddies. No, Tanner wasn’t invited, but he knew he wouldn’t be turned away.


He was dressed like a girl. And he looked really hot.

He’d never done anything like this before outside of Halloween parties, but he knew what to do. He’d waxed every inch of his body, although he didn’t have much hair anyway. He already had the knee high black vinyl boots from a trip to New York City the summer before school started. It wasn’t difficult or expensive to get a slutty size zero outfit to fit snugly on his narrow hips. The most expensive part of the outfit was the Miracle Bra from Victoria’s Secret with the built-in silicone.

By the time he started up the walkway to the somewhat dilapidated fraternity house, the door had already opened.

“Where have you been all my life?” a boy slurred, nearly falling out the door at Tanner’s feet. Tanner sighed and stepped over him. He was relieved that the rooms were crowded. It was loud and smoky and easy to get lost in the crowd. He got a few stares, but for the most part, no one seemed to think Who’s that freak boy in drag? They seemed to be thinking I’d like to hit that, or at least that’s what it looked like from the leers he was getting.

He had to find Brent. He moved through the crowd, head held high like he owned the place, never betraying the fact that his stomach was flipping. He moved into a room where a couple of boys were playing bartender from a keg, and he waited in the impromptu line for a beer. Something to calm his nerves.

“Oh my God, I love your boots,” an obviously drunk sorority girl giggled. “How can you walk in them?”

“They’re not so bad,” he said, smiling. His voice, at least, was soft and breathy, practically like a girl’s. He moved up in the line, then spotted him next to the keg. Tanner’s gaze raked over him. Brent. The object of his desire since he’d started school. He was handsome, big…strong. Brent was a football player and never once looked at Tanner. Why would he? Obviously he was straight, but it wasn’t fair. Tanner could be as pretty as any girl. Was it that different?

The football player’s white shirt and snug jeans showed off his stunning body perfectly. Tanner shuffled closer, biting his lip as the guy in front of him got his beer and moved away.

“Seriously, dude. I thought I was gonna fail. I overslept and...holy shit. Hello there....” Brent stared at him now, turning away from his friend who was pouring the beer. His gaze tracked all over Tanner’s body.

Tanner blinked and smiled sweetly. He was sure he’d never sensed Brent looking at him like that. Could it be that easy? “Hi,” he said, pretending shyness. “You’re Brent, right? I’ve seen you at games and stuff,” he said. Of course, he had two classes with Brent, but he couldn’t say that.

Brent blinked. “Yeah, I’m Brent,” he said as his friend hooted. “Do I know you?”

Tanner bit his lip again. He flipped his silky black hair over his shoulder nervously. “No. I’ve just...seen you around. I don’t think we’ve ever talked before,” he said, taking the beer that the other boy offered him. He could see that Brent was intrigued and he smiled. “Well, see you,” he said, stepping out of line and turning to walk away. He paused for a moment and glanced over his shoulder to see if Brent was checking out his ass.

Brent stared after him, then stumbled as his friend gave him a shove. Then he trotted after Tanner and called out, “Wait!”

Tanner stopped again and turned. “Is something wrong?” he asked, feigning innocence. It couldn’t really be this easy, could it? For almost two years he’d been trying to get Brent’s attention. He’d done everything he could think of short of going up to him and forcing himself in Brent’s line of vision. Now Brent was running after him like he had him on a leash.

“Um, no,” Brent said, stopping in front of Tanner. “I just...” He glanced back at his friend as if looking for encouragement, then back at Tanner. “I don’t even know your name,” he finally said.

Tanner was glad he’d thought this far. At least he’d made up a little cover story. “My name is Nena. Nice to finally meet you,” he said, holding out his hand to Brent. The handsome boy had never looked more adorable now that he was unexpectedly bashful.

Brent took Tanner’s hand gently, as if it might break. “Nena. That’s a pretty name,” he breathed.

Tanner giggled a little. “Thanks, Brent. So...do you belong to this frat? Or are you just here for the party?” he asked. He took a step back to get out of the way of traffic, and leaned back against a doorframe in a deliberately provocative way, inviting Brent to move closer.

Brent took the invitation. “I’m not in a frat, no,” he answered, clearly fighting hard not to ogle Tanner. “Just hanging with friends. I almost didn’t come here, I don’t usually party that much. Coach gets really pissed if I have a hangover...”

Tanner nodded. “I guess I’m lucky you decided to come to this one. I’ve been hoping to get a chance to meet you.” He licked his lips slowly. “I go to all your games. You’re such an amazing athlete.”

Brent’s eyes widened. “You have? You do?” He seemed stunned. “Um, why did you never talk to me before? Are you a cheerleader?”

Tanner shook his head. “No. I’m not a cheerleader. I guess...so many girls are always sighing over you I was intimidated.” That part was true, although there didn’t seem to be much competition around now. He arched his back a little and took a deep drink of his beer for courage. “It must drive your girlfriend crazy,” he said, clearly fishing.

“I’m, I mean, I don’t have one. Right now,” Brent said, blushing. He looked down into his beer and mumbled, “Not for a while, actually.”

“Good,” he breathed. He took another sip. “I would have to hate her if she existed, anyway.” He was feeling bold. Brent was obviously eating it up, and it seemed so easy. It gave him confidence in his ability to appear female.

Brent looked up quickly and smiled. “I can’t believe I’ve never seen you before. I must have. You seem familiar somehow. I know I would have remembered such a beautiful girl.” He moved a little closer.

Tanner tilted his head, exposing his long, slim neck. “I am sure you have never noticed me,” he said with a shy smile. “Despite my best efforts.” He sighed. “Perhaps I am not the kind of girl you are interested in?”

“God no, you’re incredible,” blurted Brent, then blushed. “I mean, I’m sure I’ve never, um, talked to such a pretty girl. I mean. Like this.”

Tanner reached out and put his hand lightly on one perfectly formed pec. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I know all the prettiest girls wish you would notice them.”

“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” Brent breathed, leaning into the touch. “Um...do you want to go out some time? Like to a movie or something?”

Tanner’s eyes widened. “Really? I’d love to. Anytime.” He licked his lips. It seemed too easy, and the beer was starting to affect his thoughts. He felt bolder, which was good, he decided, so he took another sip. “This is a great party, but...it’s a little loud in here. Do you want to go for a walk?” he suggested.

Brent’s smile widened. “That would be awesome. I’m not really big on parties myself.” He drained his beer. “Ready to go?”

Tanner tipped back his beer also, then put the cup aside. “I’m ready,” he said, nodding. He followed Brent through the tight crowd back to the front door. His thoughts were zooming ahead. Maybe Brent would even kiss him. Maybe they would find a quiet spot and hide away from the already almost deserted streets and Brent’s big hands would rest on Tanner’s hips and they would kiss. He sighed as they stepped carefully down the stairs around a boy who seemed to be passed out on the ground.

“Sorry,” sighed Brent. “They’re celebrating something, I guess.” The night was warm and sultry, and they walked past the frat houses now and the moon shone brightly.

Tanner walked beside Brent, feeling triumphant and just a little tipsy. “It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?” he asked. He felt nervous and excited. He just hoped Brent really liked him. He wasn’t completely processing the fact that he was pretending to be someone he wasn’t.

Brent smiled and shyly took Tanner’s hand. “Much more beautiful now,” he breathed, gazing at him.

Tanner was completely entranced. He’d wanted Brent from the first moment he’d ever laid eyes on him, and now the object of his affection was calling him beautiful. “You’re so sweet,” he said, lacing their fingers together. “How is it possible that I am so lucky to be the one here with you now?”

“I’m asking myself the same thing,” Brent said, squeezing Tanner’s hand lightly as they walked down the quiet street. “I can’t believe I never saw you before.”

They approached one of the few parks at the edge of campus, and Tanner glanced over towards a line of benches under a tree-lined walkway. “Do you want to...maybe we could sit down?” he suggested.

“Sure,” Brent said eagerly, tugging Tanner over to a particularly private bench. He brushed it off quickly before Tanner could sit down.

Tanner smiled and sat down gracefully. “Thank you,” he said, crossing his legs. Even so, the tiny skirt rode up, showing off his long, slender legs even more.

It was clear Brent was trying not to stare, but failing. “I’m really glad I came to the party tonight, and that you did, too,” he said..

Tanner’s heart pounded. All he could think about was kissing Brent. He wanted to crawl right into his lap, but it didn’t seem like something Nena would do. “And why are you so glad, Brent?” he asked softly. It was difficult to act demure. It was almost killing him.

Brent smiled shyly. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. “Because I met you,” he said quietly.

Tanner reached up and brushed his knuckles against Brent’s cheek. At least he knew that his hands were extremely girly. “You are so sweet, Brent. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to talk to you.” He bit his lip, gazing into the other boy’s eyes.

“You’re beautiful,” Brent sighed. “Nena, I...can I...kiss you? Please?”

Tanner whimpered. “Yes. Please.” It was everything he’d ever dreamed of. He felt like he was in a movie or a fantasy of some sort.

Brent took a shuddering breath and leaned closer. He kept his hands in his lap as he very gently brushed his lips against Tanner’s. Tanner reached up, holding onto Brent’s broad shoulders. It felt amazing, better than he’d ever dreamed. He sighed, lips parting.

Brent kissed Tanner again, more firmly. He kissed slowly and tenderly still, as if Tanner was breakable. One hand came up to stroke Tanner’s sleek hair.

His hair was his Achilles heel, and Tanner longed to feel Brent’s strong fingers lace through it, hold him firmly by it. He wanted more, and he took a chance. He shifted, half-standing and moving to settle sideways on Brent’s lap without breaking the kiss. The other boy was so big it made Tanner feel small, and he loved that.

That wrought a deep moan from Brent, and his other hand came up to the small of Tanner’s back to steady him. The other hand still touched Tanner’s hair, and he kissed him more urgently.

Tanner was in heaven. He’d wanted this for so long. He wriggled a little closer and he felt that Brent was hard. And huge. He gasped, scooting back, eyes wide. “Is that...because of me?” he whispered, licking his lips.

“I...I’m sorry,” Brent said instantly, stammering. “I couldn’t help it, you’re so sexy...I would never...”

Tanner bit his lip. Brent was so sweet. So charming and gentlemanly. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean...I’m flattered that you find me attractive,” he said quietly. “Kiss me again?”

“Oh, Nena,” Brent sighed, and wrapped his arms around Tanner more confidently this time. “You’re the sexiest girl I’ve ever met.” Then he kissed him again, moaning softly.

It occurred to Tanner that this might end very badly. Something about the word girl on Brent’s lips jarred him out of his lustful haze and he stiffened a little. What if Brent wanted to have sex with Nena? He was going to have to do this carefully. He pulled back from the kiss. “We...we should go back,” he breathed.

Brent looked immediately crestfallen. “Oh, okay. I, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...” he looked miserable and let go of Tanner.

“No, I mean...” He didn’t want to screw it up completely. “I’m not used to things going so fast,” he said, trying to look shy. Of course, that was not really true. He would be more than content if they did it right then and there, but even if Nena wouldn’t look cheap for suggesting anal, there was no way Brent wouldn’t notice Tanner was not a girl.

“Of course, I’m sorry if I pushed, I...you’re just so pretty and I...” Brent bit his lip and repeated, “I’m sorry.”

Tanner put his finger to Brent’s lips. “You don’t have to apologize. I wanted you to kiss me. I just, I don’t want to let things go too far too fast.”

Brent panted and looked clearly disappointed, but he nodded. “Would you still like to go out with me?”

Tanner sighed. Brent was so sweet. “Of course. I would love to go out with you.” He kissed the corner of Brent’s lips. “When?”

“Anytime,” Brent said instantly. “Um, I’m sure you’re super busy, though...”

Tanner smiled. “How about tomorrow night?” he asked. “Do you have a single? Or do you have roommates?” He definitely couldn’t bring Brent back to his place.

“I have a single,” Brent replied, smiling. “Now I can’t wait till tomorrow night.”

“We could get some takeout food or something?” he suggested. At least in private, if Brent figured it out he would feel less like he was tricked in front of his silly jock friends. Not that Tanner was trying to trick him, but he could imagine what it would look like.

“Sure,” Brent said, brightening. “We could watch a movie or something...” He hesitated. “We can also go out if you want, though,” he added.

Tanner ran the tip of his finger along Brent’s jaw. “Staying in would be nice, though, wouldn’t it?” At least if they were alone in a safe place, maybe Tanner could control how things happened. Maybe Brent wouldn’t even have to know.

Brent moaned softly, and smiled. “Yeah,” he breathed. “You trust me to behave myself?” he asked, tone light.

“Well, I don’t want you to behave too much,” he said, giving Brent a flirty smile. He wanted him so badly. He just had to figure out how to get past this hurdle.

Brent’s smile increased. “Good,” he said. “Now I better get you back home before I have to kiss you some more and then we’ll be here all night...”

Tanner nodded. “Okay. But, if you can just walk me back to the party, I can take a cab. It’s too far to walk, anyway.” He didn’t want Brent to know where he lived. Who knew what could happen, but until the cat was out of the bag, he wasn’t taking any chances.

Brent frowned. “I should make sure you get home safely,” he insisted.

Tanner wriggled off of Brent’s lap and shook his head. He straightened his skirt. “I’m fine. Thanks.” He smiled sweetly. “Just back to the frat house?” he asked, holding out his hand. “Please?”

Brent nodded and stood up, pulling Tanner into his arms. “I can’t wait till tomorrow night,” he sighed.

Tanner hardly needed a taxi. He could have floated home. By the time he turned the key in the lock of his tiny off-campus apartment, he was more than ready to tumble into bed and dream of Brent. His roommate didn’t raise an eyebrow when he stepped into the living room in full drag, considering he’d borrowed some of his makeup from the other boy.

“You look like you had fun,” he said, looking up from the couch.

Tanner flopped down into one of the arm chairs, keeping his knees demurely closed. “You have no idea,” he said dreamily. He couldn’t even think about the challenges ahead, only of the sweet kisses Brent had given him.

“Did he figure out that you’re a boy?”

That made Tanner frown. “No. He had no idea. I sat in his lap and everything.”

Before a more in-depth conversation on the subject could develop, Tanner claimed exhaustion and excused himself. He went to his bedroom and peeled off the provocative clothing, and crawled into bed.