Sunday, August 17, 2008

Making it Real by Victoria Blisse

It’s amazing what you can find online, especially when you’re not really looking for it. I was bored, blocked and searching for inspiration for my latest romance tale when I came across Thirty-Something, a forum created specifically for those folks slipping genteelly into middle-age.

I joined out of curiosity and boredom really, but I found myself amongst like-minded procrastinators from the world over. Within a matter of days, I’d created hundreds of posts. After a couple of months, I had established friendships with people throughout the globe.

I kept strictly to the nice threads and questions on the board and avoided controversy and debate. It seemed they always turned nasty. I’m more of a “give peace a chance” kind of girl. So, it was a bit of a surprise to find a full-fledged debate raging in an innocuous thread started by a friend. Just a thread about preparations for Christmas. One person stated that October was far too early to be thinking about Christmas and the thread totally derailed into a discussion of commercialism and the apparent exploitation of the purchasing public.

I was intrigued. Normally such in-depth debate would send me scampering to a safe, fluffy thread on favourite colour or bands or simple word association. However, I found one of the posters in this argument fascinating. William Blake was not a name that I’d run across before and with it being the Internet, I was pretty certain it was neither his real name nor the eighteenth century poet resurrected. The little picture beside his post, something I knew was called an avatar, or AV for short, was a smug-looking handsome young man, gazing into a camera.

“Hot,” I exclaimed, fanning myself. As I continued to read through his posts I found him intelligent and witty, too. Unfortunately, the end of the debate had changed from intellectual exchanges of opinion to open mud-slinging. In an effort to calm the situation, I took a long time composing my opinion. I incorporated a plea for a return to intelligent debate, since posturing whilst slinging insults was not helping anyone prove their point.

I was delighted when a little box flashed up on my screen, proclaiming, “You have a new Private Message from William Blake.”

You’re right. I lost my temper, will cool down before posting there again. Thanks.

It was not the most exciting PM ever. The words and message were unexceptional. Only the identity of the sender made it extraordinary. I spent several minutes composing a reply, as I knew it was an opportunity to get to know the handsome rebel better. I sent my message masterpiece off into the ether and settled down to wait for a reply. To bide the time, I read through his past posts.

“No wonder we never crossed paths,” I Mumbled, as I read yet another contentious political debate thread. “He posts on everything I don’t.” I was disappointed not to receive a reply straight away, but people have lives away from the computer. So I waited patiently. I enjoyed looking through his old posts, anyway.

I was intrigued to find he was significantly younger than the thirty years stated in the forum name. He’d stumbled across the forum while researching something for his latest company. He was a whiz kid, a successful businessman and a sharp debater; my complete opposite. I waited tables in a local café to make ends meet whilst I pretended to have a career in writing. I was getting stories published, but I wasn’t challenging JK Rowling is the sales stakes.

I couldn’t get the guy out of my mind and, as we’d barely interacted, it was kind of worrying. I logged off the Internet and attempted to concentrate on the novel I was working on at the time. As I tapped away at my laptop keys, I found myself placing William’s features on the character I was writing. The scene twisted into something completely unsuitable for a non-erotic historical romance.

“Why, Sir, you flatter me.” She giggled and hid behind her fan.

“But you are the most beautiful and desirous female her,” he replied, his dark, almost black eyes fixing her in their gaze. “I want you, Mary and I want you now. Right here on this dining table. Push away the cutlery, candlesticks and napkins and lie down for me, whilst I undo all your layers and bury my face in the sweet musky smell of your muff.”

“Snap out of it!” I yelled out loud. I highlighted and deleted the erotic paragraph. I stared at the blank space for a good fifteen minutes before I gave up, switched off the computer and went to bed. He was in my mind even as I lay under the heavy duvet. Each time I closed my eyes, I saw that big, knowing smile. What does he know? I wondered and imagined he knew I was there, lying naked in my bed.

My eyes closed and my hands skimmed to my fleshy breasts with their excited nipples, and then further down over my softly rounded stomach. My fingers flitted through pubic hair and down into the hot valley between my thighs as I fantasised.

I saw him above me. He pulled the duvet away and feigned shock at the naked body beneath. I imagined those intense chocolate eyes running up and down my curves, lust evident in their twinkle. He lunged for me. Our lips met as his hand ran up and down the curve of my breast and hip. He pulled me to him, so I could feel the hard bulge.

His lips slipped lower and he sucked and nibbled on my neck. Alone in my bed, my fingers slipped in the slickness the fantasy created. I rubbed firmly over my excited clit as my imagined lover’s lips roamed down, hunting out and capturing the hard pellets of my nipples. Impatiently, he hurried even lower, over my stomach. He split my legs around him as he delved deeper. He kissed over my soft, curly mound and his tongue flicked out and found my tender pleasure spot.

I looked down in my dream world. His eyes were fixed on me; he was licking and kissing my pussy with great fervour, his fingers inside my slick tunnel. He filled me and I anticipated how his hard cock would feel there instead.

My mind raced with imagined passion as I stroked my clit. I felt his imaginary lips licking and loving me in such an intimate way. Each breath came in shorter bursts as my arousal continued to grow. My chest heaved as I rubbed quickly, desperate to reach my peak on his imagined tongue. I came hard and fast as I envisioned him sucking eagerly, drinking down the refreshing flow of my feminine juices.

Panting, I pulled the duvet tighter around my vulnerable nakedness and sighed. Will was young, virile and handsome. I was convinced he’d never be interested in me, a mid-thirties fatty.

“Pleasantly plump,” I verbally chided myself. I was really trying hard not to use negative descriptors about my body. I’d seen a wonderfully positive life coach on Oprah and that was one of his rules. Always think positively about your image. The problem was that what other people thought of my pleasantly plump and ample curves really mattered to me. It often pulled my thoughts towards the negative. Also, I hadn’t been in a real relationship in the past eight years. If I was desirable, there would surely be a queue of men on my doorstep. In reality, Pete was the only man who showed any interest.

Pete lived locally and we met on Thirty-Something.

“It’s a small world.” I exclaimed when I found out he lived in the next borough along from mine. I flirted with him and we went as far as having cyber sex, which was a completely new experience for me. At the time, I found it quite exciting, though I did feel that I was often left high and dry once he’d received his pleasure.

But meeting in real life was a folly. It became apparent that everything he’d told me online had been a blatant lie. He was not thirty-five, the same age as me. Add twenty years to that total and you’d be closer. He didn’t look at all like Nicholas Cage, and he certainly wasn’t charming. I had to physically fight him off at one point. It had to be the adrenalin which allowed me to wrestle with such a brute and win. I called it off because of his lies and intolerable behaviour. How could I have a relationship with someone who was so deceptive and violent? I simply could not.

Unfortunately, Pete could not see why I made such a fuss. He continued to bother me online. Emails, PMs and threads appeared, trying to engage me in conversation once more. I never answered any of them and each time a new thread appeared, I cringed with embarrassment. But, at least it was just embarrassment. I never revealed my real life location to him in any detail and I’m very thankful for that. A man stalking you online can be ignored, but in real life, it would be a very scary thing indeed.

After an hour of tossing, turning and not sleeping, I returned to my computer and got back to work. I resisted checking my email and forced myself to write one thousand words of Felicia and Felix’s stilted and formal courting. After that, I deserved a break.

My heart thumped like a techno beat when I saw that a PM awaited me from William. I couldn’t open it fast enough. Even with broadband, the page was loading far too slowly. I needed to know what was in that message.

Actually, the reply was not filled with innuendo, as I would have liked, though the simple statement enclosed within it seemed to hint at future flirtations. Well, it did once I ran it through my sex-starved brain a few hundred times.

It was the start of an interesting and unlikely online relationship. LadyUK (my highly original username) began to frequent more and more debates. I followed William Blake into them all. I found it refreshing to be taking part in the intellectual and stimulating discussion. I was learning much about the world; politics, religion and people. It was fascinating.

I mostly did it to read William’s words, though. He was so smart it made my pussy ache with need. He was so handsome that a mere sideward glance at his sweet, seductive smirk had me wishing for something hard and masculine between my thighs. I knew I was being daft. I knew I was acting like a schoolgirl with a crush, but I couldn’t stop it and, to be honest, I didn’t really want to. It was just a bit of innocent fun, I thought and I certainly wasn’t hurting anyone at all. I was enjoying being a complete and utter sexpot. However, my light and flirty romance story kept getting derailed and pushed into darkly sensual erotica. Something I was a fan of but not something my publisher would approve, I was sure. I ended up deleting so much during editing that it seemed like one sentence forward, two paragraphs back.